Kids with high emotional intelligence learn these 4 skills ‘when they’re young,’ say parenting experts

Over the years of educating parents, teachers and caregivers about early childhood development, we’ve received many questions about how to raise emotionally intelligent kids.

Kids with high emotional intelligence have the tools they need to navigate their feelings and relationships in a healthy and secure way. Key skills include self-awareness, self-regulation and motivation. But one of the most commonly overlooked components is empathy.

Parents of the most emotionally intelligent children lead by example — and teach their kids these four skills when they’re young:

Perspective taking does not mean having the same experience as someone else or deciding whether their experience is real.

When a child is pulling at their shirt and saying, “It’s scratchy, I don’t like it. I want a different shirt,” we can model perspective taking by believing that their experience is true: “That shirt feels uncomfortable for you, and you want to change it.”

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It’s not the parent’s job to convince them that the shirt is perfectly comfortable and remind them that they’ve worn it before. It’s their job to step outside of themselves and be a witness to their child’s experience.

This means practicing mindfulness of our biases and self-regulating so that we can see the child’s experience without a biased lens.

So instead of responding with, “You don’t need to be so upset. It’s just a shirt. We can fix this,” avoiding judgment is simply noticing what is: “You are really upset that it’s so uncomfortable.”

Recognizing emotions is connecting with what your child is feeling, not why they’re feeling it.

So when your child comes to you upset, take a moment to articulate out loud what they are feeling. “Wow, you are disappointed, that’s really tough.”

Then recall and share a time when you…