People with ‘poor speech etiquette’ always use these 7 ‘rude’ phrases, says public speaking expert

We all have to communicate with people on a daily basis, so it’s inevitable that we’ll occasionally be put off, if not downright offended, by the things we hear. But consider the possibility that sometimes you may be guilty of rubbing people the wrong way.

As a public speaking trainer, I always urge people to think carefully about their listeners before speaking. It’s impossible to evaluate every word ahead of time, but it’s helpful to be aware of phrases or attitudes that keep us from communicating effectively. 

Here are seven rude phrases that people with poor speech etiquette always use — and what to say instead:

This phrase is great when you’re offering someone a choice (“Do you want to go to lunch with me?”). But as a way of delivering orders (“Do you want to take out the trash?”), its indirect fake-politeness comes across as belittling.

What to say instead: State your request directly. It’s courteous to broach a request by asking, “Will you do me a favor?” After all, people generally like to pitch in. But they don’t like to feel manipulated.

This phrase insists that whatever follows will be the final, authoritative take on the subject at hand. Even when used inadvertently, it can sound a bit self-important. Truly authoritative people don’t tend to waste time on throat-clearing statements.

What to say instead: If you’re offering an opinion, consider prefacing your remarks with “I think …” These two words remove any suggestion that you’re pompously issuing a declaration. 

In recent years, it’s become normalized for this pushy rhetorical nudge to follow questions, especially in interviews with athletes and politicians. (“This is the most important stretch of the season, right?” or “We’ve never seen a circumstance like this, right?”)

At best, it’s a useless bit of filler. But it can also feel like a manipulative insistence upon agreement.

What to say instead: If you want someone’s opinion, ask…