Dear Amy: Last year we had my husband’s daughter, her husband and their four children come and stay with us for a couple of weeks around Christmas.
When they arrived, the husband was clearly sick: coughing, sneezing, etc.
Consequently, I became sick (I have severe COPD) and had to miss our annual Christmas Eve celebration as a result.
Here’s my question: Can I ask my daughter-in-law not to come here when anyone in the family is sick?
I feel this should be common sense, but apparently it is not.
I don’t want to offend anyone, but when my health is compromised, I feel the added stress.
My husband and I are not young.
They are currently planning their trip, and I am worried.
Can you help?
– Worried
Dear Worried: You should not need my help to inspire you to take care of your own health, but when it comes to extended family members, it is vital to clarify your needs and boundaries, because their understanding and cooperation are essential.
It might help if you approached this problem understanding that parents with many children often deal with illness as a more or less continuous issue. One or more family members is either getting sick, currently sick, or recovering from their latest round of cold/flu.
However, the experience of the pandemic should have sensitized all of us to the important needs of people whose health is compromised (like you), or who would simply like to avoid illness (everyone else) – especially during the winter months.
So yes, you should tell these family members, “This year, please make sure that no one is showing any signs of illness before your trip. I’ll have masks on hand in case anyone picks up a bug along the way. Your dad and I are both vulnerable. We really need to safeguard our health.”
Commonsense measures such as mask wearing (for any ill person and also for you) and diligent handwashing could help to reduce the risk for everyone.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194,…
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