Dear Annie:
My husband’s family have always been big drinkers, whereas mine are not. We have very different perspectives on the subject of alcohol. I can live with an “agree to disagree stance,” but a situation has come up where I am finding it difficult to not speak my mind.
My father-in-law has had health problems for the last 10 years. He sits around and watches television all day, and then shockingly can’t sleep at night, and drinks at least two alcoholic drinks per day, sometimes more. He recently was hospitalized for dehydration. His heart and kidneys have also had issues, and he recently was placed on a fourth blood pressure medication. Frankly, I think the alcohol use just exacerbates all of these conditions, not to mention his sedentary lifestyle, but my husband, mother-in-law and sister-in-law don’t see the alcohol as being problematic, probably because it’s so normalized in their family.
When I point out these things to my husband, he says I am being judgmental. My brother-in-law also thinks it’s problematic, but as the in-laws, we don’t know how much we should speak up. Obviously, we care about our father-in-law, and watching his health decline is very tough on our spouses, therefore affecting us as well. But should we speak up more to my mother-in-law? Or know our place and shut up? — Concerned Daughter-in-Law
Dear Concerned:
With a sensitive issue like this one, communication is key. Instead of framing your concerns as a critique, express them with compassion. Share your observations about your father-in-law’s health in a way that conveys you are all on the same side. It’s important to strike a balance between voicing your concerns and respecting family dynamics.
It sounds like he has a long way to go on his health journey, and these changes probably won’t all happen at once. It might make more sense to start with something small, like going on a walk every day, and then gradually add in healthy habits one by one.
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