DEAR ABBY:
I’m a 32-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend, my first and only partner, for 11 years. Overall, our relationship is healthy. He’s smart, kind, supportive, caring, loyal and funny. I can see us getting married and living a happy life together. The problem is, aside from a few short-term gigs, he hasn’t had a job for the last six years, when he left his office job to move with me for my career. I’ve done well. But although he has applied for all sorts of jobs — sales, admin, medical, police, government, fast food — no one has hired him.
Last year, he developed a heart condition, and he can no longer perform physical labor. He also suffers from depression. So, I’ve been paying for nearly everything. I’m lucky not to have credit card debt, but at age 32, I have no retirement savings. My job barely covers living expenses for us and our pets. I want to progress in life and have an equal partner. We’ve discussed marriage, and I think he’s “the one.” But how long should I hold out hope of him finding a job? Do I just keep on hoping, or do I consider ending things and breaking both our hearts? — BURDENED IN FLORIDA
DEAR BURDENED:
Has it occurred to you that the reason the man you love has been unable to find employment all this time may be connected to his depression? It would benefit you both if he consulted a doctor and sought treatment for it. Free and low-cost counseling is available through the county, as well as through colleges and universities with departments of psychology. Please explore this before ending your relationship because it could be the solution to your problem.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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