Dear Abby: Is bully husband best left behind?

DEAR ABBY:

I have been with my husband for 30 years. We have a 26-year-old son, “Isaac.” My son is difficult, but my husband never listened to me when he was young — when we were supposed to be shaping him. Now my husband doesn’t like the person Isaac has become. He blames Isaac for every problem in our marriage, which is a bigger problem than Isaac is.

My husband is a good provider but a terrible listener and communicator. If I even remotely suggest he does or did anything wrong in our marriage or with our son, he gets defensive, starts a fight and then blames me. I’m the loneliest married person alive. I always feel like I am caught in the middle. Please give me some advice. — AT AN IMPASSE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR AT AN IMPASSE:

At 26, your son is an adult. At this point, you can’t change the person he has become. Because your husband now dislikes him (you said Isaac is “difficult”), quit defending him. The marriage you have described is not a healthy one. Your husband is more than a terrible listener and communicator; from your description he is also a bully.

I might have suggested marriage counseling, but I’m 99% certain he will refuse if you raise the subject. You have a right to be happy. I seriously doubt you will be if you continue living with this man. Consult a marriage and family law attorney and ask what your rights would be in the state of Michigan were you to separate or divorce so you can make an informed decision about your future.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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