DEAR MISS MANNERS: When friends or co-workers tell me about personal problems or physical issues they are experiencing, and I have had similar issues, I’m at a loss as to whether I should share my experience.
I have often been through the same thing they are describing, or I know someone who has, and I have relayed those experiences in the past. What I am hoping to do is put the person at ease, knowing that others have experienced the same thing, or to pass along some tips for dealing with their situation. Recently, though, I feel as if responding this way is like one-upping them or trying to turn the attention on myself.
At some point in my life, I was instructed to try to relate to the other person when listening, so I suppose that is where the impulse comes from. Any advice for relaying compassion without seeming self-centered?
GENTLE READER: It is indeed a fine line, and crossing it often leads to unsolicited anecdotes and advice — and not necessarily the good or relevant kind. If you are a good listener, express empathy and allude to a presumably happier experience, Miss Manners is confident that the bereft person who wants to hear about it will ask.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2023 JUDITH MARTIN
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