DEAR ABBY: I am 34 and recently found out I have started menopause. I knew it might come early for me because most of the women in my family began in their 30s and were done by 50. I have no biological children and now probably never will. I guess I waited too long for the right time, the right person, etc. I was always careful to use birth control when I became sexually active and never left it up to my partner.
I am now having a hard time coping with this feeling of loss. I know I shouldn’t be grieving something I never had, but I find myself tearing up thinking about it. I’m angry at myself for missing out on it. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost two years, but we have been together for 10. I wanted to be married and financially stable before having children.
I feel like I’m being punished. My poor husband takes the brunt of my frustrations and anger, which isn’t fair, and I apologize when it happens, but I find myself slowly drifting into isolation because of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sad, angry, frustrated and empty. I wish I had an answer or anyone who understands to just hear me. Any advice? — GRIEVING IN OREGON
DEAR GRIEVING: Your feelings are understandable. It’s time to seek counseling for help to stop blaming yourself or your husband and cope with your feelings of sadness, anger and frustration. Once that is done, it may be time to consider your options for fulfilling your maternal instincts. These include fostering, adoption, surrogacy and volunteer mentoring. Please consider them.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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