Dear Amy: I am a 45-year-old divorced woman with a fairly active social media presence.
After my divorce, I dated someone with no social media, so it was easy.
After that ended, I met someone through a friend. He immediately suggested that we connect on Facebook.
We’ve been out quite a few times and it’s been great, but he’s dating other people. That’s fine – and I’m open to seeing other people, too.
I’m not even sure of my feelings for him, but seeing posts about his various dates and his active social life makes me uncomfortable.
I can tell who else he’s dating from his posts.
It makes me curious and jealous in a way that I don’t like.
What do people these days do about social media when they’re dating, but not settled?
Should I mute him? Not connect with people on social media until the relationship is serious?
I know people talk about social media being toxic to teenagers, but I think the age range should be extended!
What’s the protocol? How do I protect myself from myself?
– Socially Confused
Dear Confused: Many people actually “meet” on social media, but they’re in another category, because they already know and are attracted to the other person’s style of sharing.
Your guy is using Facebook like a seventh-grader (not that kids these days use FB), and it’s triggering you to react like a seventh-grader.
You know the truism about STDs: when you’re sleeping with one person, you’re actually sleeping with all the people they’ve slept with.
Facebook is like that. When you connect on social media with someone you’re dating, you become tangentially connected with everyone they’re dating.
Nobody wants that.
For you, I think it’s wisest to use social media the way all the millennials I know do: Lock it down. Be extremely judicious about what you post and private about your sharing circles.
Mute or hide his posts, and if you want, you can check him out during periods when you’re curious or in the mood (no drunk-scrolling allowed).
In the…
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