Many gay and lesbian vets still owed benefits after don’t ask, don’t tell repeal

Ret. Lt. Col. Bob Alexander stayed closeted in the Air Force for 20 years because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. He came out when the policy ended, and when he retired, he decided to help those who weren’t discharged honorably because of their sexual orientation. He resides in Washington D.C., and works as a cybersecurity attorney.

Keren Carrión/NPR

Bob Alexander joined the Air Force in 1990, planning to make it his career. He knew there was a big issue to deal with: Alexander was starting to question his sexual orientation. At the time, gay troops weren’t allowed in the military. In fact, the ban wouldn’t be lifted for another two decades.

“I just decided that I would just follow the rules in terms of not acting on my sexuality. Which meant that for the first 12, 14 years I was alone, celibate, not dating,” he says.

Around the same time Stephan Steffanides joined the Navy, just like his father, uncle, grandfather and great uncle, among others.

“My family’s been serving this country for all of the last century,” Steffanides says.

He served aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, stationed at Norfolk, Va. But two years into his enlistment, Steffanides got spotted at a gay bar near his base.

“They cut my locker open and found some gay magazines,” he says. Not only was it against the military regulations, gay sex was still illegal in Virginia, and many other states.

“They threw me in the brig, put me on bread and water — it was humiliating –for being gay,” says Steffanides.

Advocates estimate that 114,000 troops were pushed out of the service over the decades due to their sexual orientation, often with a less-than-honorable discharge. That means no automatic VA benefits or free VA health…