DEAR ABBY:
I am a woman who has been with my spouse for 22 years, married for eight. During all that time, she has yet to set boundaries with her birth family. While we rarely argue, when we do, it’s usually over a request for money or some kind of infringement made by her relatives. I’m powerless to get ahead of their requests because I find out only after the fact that money was loaned or space in my garage is being used to store their stuff, etc.
We started our relationship in therapy because of this situation and, 22 years in, we’re still in the same place. We hardly talk anymore, and I’m deeply saddened. I don’t know what the next steps should be. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. — STUCK IN ARIZONA
DEAR STUCK:
Sometimes progress is two steps forward and one step back. In your case, you and your spouse need to take one step back. Consult another therapist for help negotiating a solution to your wife’s lack of boundaries and her habit of making financial and other commitments to her relatives without first clearing them with you.
** ** **
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
** ** **
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
Read the full article here
Leave a Reply