DEAR ABBY: I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. We are not married, but we call each other husband and wife and have two beautiful children together. Our relationship is great.
My husband had a different childhood than mine. He didn’t have many friends of the opposite sex. I, on the other hand, had a lot of guy friends growing up. I cherish many of these platonic relationships. There is a lot of history with them (some more than 20 years), and I enjoy their company greatly. We don’t have any romantic histories.
I don’t hang out with them often because I know my husband would be upset if I were to see another man one-on-one, even just as friends. I understand his point of view. I know I might be jealous if he were to hang out one-on-one with another woman, and I would wonder. I guess we both have trust issues.
There are some hobbies I would like to engage in, and a few of these guy friends have expressed interest in joining me on occasion. One of those activities is metal detecting. I have the two kids in tow most times and would need help digging. Even without the kids, I don’t think it would be as much fun doing this by myself. My husband would join me if he weren’t so tired from his 12-hour workday and getting up at 4 a.m.
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I am going stir-crazy with the kids, and I need an outlet. This is something that excites me, as it will get me outdoors, and is steeped in local history. These men are some of my best friends and we would never fool around, but I’m afraid my husband won’t understand. Is there any hope? — TREASURE-BLOCKED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR TREASURE-BLOCKED: If this is going to happen, you and your husband first need to resolve your trust and insecurity issues. There’s hope if you discuss this thoroughly with him and he trusts you enough that it won’t excite his insecurities. (The same would be true if the situation were reversed.)
He needs to know that when…
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