DEAR ABBY:
A friend of many years, “Adam,” no longer speaks to me. We met in high school and were involved in band, debate club and other activities together. He recently discovered through a genealogy site that he was adopted and neither of his parents were his birth parents. The site led him to clues about other biological relatives, and he eventually reached his birth mother, who rejected his efforts to talk to her.
I recently learned about this from another high school friend. When I contacted Adam, he responded with hostility, stating that I am no longer his friend because I didn’t reach out when he was going through all this. But I didn’t KNOW at the time. I cannot locate any voice messages, emails, texts, etc. showing that he shared with me the details of what happened.
I live in a different part of the country now. I have offered to travel to visit him. I also offered to talk on the phone, but I’ve received only aggressive and bitter responses. How can I show Adam I do care about him, and that had I known about his situation at the time it happened, I would have been there for him? — TRUE BLUE IN WASHINGTON
DEAR TRUE BLUE:
Your friend is going through a lot right now, and is rightfully angry that his birth mother rejected his effort to connect. He is hurt and looking for somewhere to transfer his anger. You shouldn’t be blamed for not reacting to something you were in the dark about. But until Adam is ready to recognize that fact and patch things up, nothing you can do will fix this. My advice is to sit tight for now.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16…
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