DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 69 years old, with a 29-year-old daughter who lives at home with my husband and me. Growing up, my family always expected us kids and young adults to help out around the house whenever possible. We were never asked; we were told we should offer at all times.
Well, I brought my daughter up that way. However, for the last four to five years, she has never volunteered — she says she should be asked! I disagree, and this has caused a tremendous strain on our relationship. Is it proper to offer to help, or to wait until asked?
GENTLE READER: It would be more polite of your daughter to volunteer, but she has not thought this through. Perhaps what you have chosen to object to (her not volunteering to help instead of not actually helping) has led her to believe she will never be asked.
Miss Manners would have you ask kindly, but constantly, which will lead to one of two outcomes: Your daughter will get tired of being asked, and simply do the work. Or, she will object to having to contribute, which will lead to a more substantive discussion about family responsibilities.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2023 JUDITH MARTIN
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