Column: The struggle is real; hats off to all recovering addicts

​​I recently quit smoking, or at least I’m pretty sure I have.

People often talk about how great they feel after quitting and how much money they save and how their life is better without the “disgusting” habit.

I have to say that has not been my experience at all.

Maybe it will change, but the journey has been terrible.

I’ve known a lot of people who’ve successfully beat addictions more noteworthy than my own. You have my praise, it’s not easy.

You often hear people talk about irritability and agitation that occurs when you drop the habit. That’s real. In the first couple weeks, I found myself basically shutting down completely to avoid losing my temper.

Although that’s dwindled, it hasn’t disappeared and I still find myself being short with people. To those who’ve dealt with this I apologize.

What you don’t hear, and maybe I’m an outlier in this regard, is the other ways quitting impacts your life.

I’ve been hit with depression and anxiety. I do feel like things are moving in the right direction, but it’s there – nagging, lingering, making me want to shut down and hole up.

Perhaps the worst issue is the impact it’s had on my ability to work. I’ve never heard people who quit talk about the brain fog, forgetfulness or stifled creativity and motivation.

I’ve never had a harder time organizing my thoughts. I’ve failed to get back to people for stories. I’ve spun my wheels trying to write, which is a pretty big deal given my job.

I feel less sharp and less on top of things and less interested in things. I do recognize these issues as symptoms of depression and anxiety, but the inability to focus and complete tasks is rough.

Cigarettes were a reward for achieving a small goal, like writing a story. I’ve also always made very good use of my time while smoking. I often write stories in my head while I’m outside taking a drag. It’s a time when I focus on my goals and problems and come up with solutions.

It’s always…