A psychologist shares 6 toxic phrases ‘highly narcissistic’ people always use—and how to deal with them

The world is full of difficult personalities, but the one that’s impossible to avoid is the narcissist. They are usually the most insecure people in the room, but have established a way of appearing ultra-confident.

As a psychologist who studies narcissism, I’ve found that, in most cases, highly narcissistic people are masters of gaslighting. Their primary goal in a relationship is to offset their insecurity by controlling and manipulating others.

Here are six phrases that they always use — and how to deal with them:

1. “I don’t want to make this about me, but…”

Statements like this show that narcissistic people know they shouldn’t dominate the conversation, yet they do it anyway. It’s like a pseudo-disclaimer that gives them permission to only focus on themselves.

How to handle it: If you get into a conversation with a narcissist, be prepared for their story hour. If it’s interesting, listen. You can even treat it like an IRL podcast. But if you’re hoping for a two-way conversation, look elsewhere.

2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Narcissists have a hard time admitting fault, and this is their classic attempt at an apology. But it’s actually more of a deflection.

With this phrase, they’re implying that your feelings are your issues alone, and that they’ll take no responsibility for their behavior.

How to handle it: Without genuine remorse, no matter what the transgression was, they’ll likely do it again. My advice is to simply disengage. To avoid getting hurt in the future, it is often best to see people for who they really are.

3. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Narcissists have a stunning capacity to shift from being the offender to being the victim.

You may be the one who has the flu or a tough week at work. But if whatever you’re struggling with inconveniences them, it will be framed as their problem.

How to handle it: You can get a degree of power back through self-awareness. Otherwise, you may find yourself constantly wondering…

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