Harvard psychologist: If you use any of these 7 phrases every day, you ‘may have low emotional intelligence’

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and evaluate feelings accurately in ourselves and in others.

The most emotionally intelligent people can access and evoke emotion, understand non-verbal cues, and regulate their feelings to build stronger relationships. As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how this is key to long-term professional and personal success.

So how can you tell if you need to work on these skills? If you use any of these seven phrases, you may have low emotional intelligence:

Emotional intelligence is associated with an ability to change over time as you learn and grow.

People with low emotional intelligence are often more rigid and will fight efforts to shift or evolve. Strong convictions are important, but so is being open to new possibilities.

What to say instead: “I need to think more about what you’re saying. I want to be open to feedback about myself, even when it’s hard to hear.”

Having a blatant disregard for other people’s feelings is a sign of low emotional intelligence.

Displaying a lack of empathy for others, especially when they are going through a tough time, makes it hard to develop mutually beneficial, supportive relationships.

What to say instead: “I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling upset. How can I be helpful to you right now?” 

People with strong emotional intelligence don’t blame the outside world for their feelings. They understand that their emotions are linked to how they internally perceive their circumstances.

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Our emotions are not someone else’s responsibility to fix. They’re an opportunity to understand ourselves and set boundaries.

What to say instead: “I’m feeling very emotional right now. My perception of the situation is that …”

When given feedback,…