As much as we’d like to avoid it, people will make us angry. And while that anger is a normal feeling, how you express it can determine if you resolve the problem or make it worse.
Stef Ziev is a life coach who aims to guide people to their life’s purpose. Within that journey, she teaches them how to communicate effectively, even in the face of conflict.
“I think the biggest thing in terms of expression of any feeling in a healthy way is to give it voice, give it a name and acknowledge it,” says Ziev.
Ziev is also the author of “The Choice Is Yours: A Simple Approach to Live and Lead with More Joy, Ease, and Purpose.”
There are some things that Ziev recommends you never say — especially to co-workers or even your boss — when you find yourself in a tough situation that upsets you.
“You make me feel…”
“Our default is ‘you make me feel X, Y and Z,’” Ziev says. “That’s not really a true statement. We’re all coming to any interaction with our own experience, history and wounds.”
Instead, Ziev encourages you to name the behavior that triggered you and describe the experience you had after it occurred.
Try saying, “When you do this behavior, then my experience is X, Y and Z,” she says.
“The intent is to never make it personal,” Ziev says, because that can heighten situations in a way that you didn’t intend.
For example, avoid saying: “You make me upset when you don’t take my advice into consideration during meetings.”
Opt for a better approach like: “When you don’t consider the advice I suggest in meetings, it’s difficult for me and I feel undervalued.”
Take time to process emotions before you respond
It can be hard to be considerate of another person’s feelings when you’re upset yourself. “Really be mindful about what’s present for you,” Ziev says. “Ask yourself who’s sitting at the head of my table right now.”
If you’re not the version of yourself that would address the problem in a level-headed way, the first step that she recommends is excusing yourself from the…
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