The No. 1 thing that motivates change is having a ‘menu of options,’ psychologist says

New Year’s resolutions have a notoriously low success rate. And while failure is always disappointing, it’s not entirely surprising that a new year doesn’t transform you into a person who loves to exercise or read or save money.

To stick to your resolutions this year, try motivating yourself in realistic ways.

On her podcast Pulling The Thread, Elise Loehnen talks with Carrie Wilkens, a psychologist and author of “Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change,” on what gets people to actually alter their behavior.

One way to facilitate change is to give yourself multiple avenues that will lead you to accomplishing your goal.

“Menu of options is always helpful,” Wilkens tells Loehnen.

Many families and friends, all with good intention, tend to only present one option when encouraging a person to quit a certain substance.

If you want your friend to stop drinking, you might suggest Alcoholics Anonymous — and be disappointed if they quit going. But AA is not the only tool that helps people stop drinking.

Instead of making them feel like a failure for not connecting with a specific program, present them with other ways in which they could reach the same goal.

“Constantly be thinking, like, ‘Am I jamming my loved one in the corner or am I giving them multiple doors to walk through?,’” Wilkens says. “Most people will always appreciate the multiple door option.”

This strategy can be helpful when you’re trying to keep your own resolutions.

Let’s say your goal is to exercise more. Pressuring yourself into going to the gym five days a week is setting yourself up for failure.

Instead, give yourself options.

There are plenty of ways to stay active, like hiking or biking or joining a walking group, that don’t involve going to the gym. You’re more likely to exercise if you…