DEAR ABBY:
I have been married three years. The man I married is not the person I fell in love with. After our wedding, he demanded that I take his last name. I am proud of my last name, and I didn’t want to drop it. (If only that were the sole problem.) I am no longer allowed to go out to lunch with my friends or even to see my family unless it’s on one particular day. Abby, my family means a lot to me and my friends do, too.
I don’t like being controlled. I have tried talking to him about it, but he blames everything on me. He is old-fashioned, so all my time “needs” to be here at home. I have children outside of this marriage, and my husband insists he comes first, no matter what. I do not feel that way. My children always come before anyone.
How do I fix this? If I can’t resolve it, it means a DIVORCE. I don’t want that, but my children and my family matter, and I don’t believe a couple must spend every second together. Please give me your advice. — CONTROLLED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR CONTROLLED:
Your husband has made clear that things are his way or the highway. He isn’t going to mellow. Please take the hint, contact a lawyer and set yourself free. The alternative is to continue being treated like a hostage.
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DEAR ABBY:
My sister-in-law and her husband become very defensive when my wife or I try to suggest things we believe would benefit them. Not only are they not interested, but they complain that we are trying to run their lives. They tell us they are adults (both are in their mid-30s) and will live their lives the way they want. Both are stuck in low-paying jobs. They frequently ask us and other relatives for money, which we have given as we are able.
What really bothers us is the way they yell at their 4-year-old son. It has reached the point that when the parents yell at the child, the child yells back at them. I’d like to help them overcome their unwise, uncompassionate child-rearing strategy, but I’m afraid my sister-in-law will snap…
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