Dear Abby: Couple should seek counseling before setting a wedding date

DEAR ABBY:

My fiance and I are going back and forth about setting a date for our wedding. We have begun arguing lately about normal relationship issues. He calls them fights, when all I’m trying to do is express my feelings so we get on the same page. Then, instead of talking, he shuts down and clams up. It makes me crazy. Now he’s saying he won’t set a date until our relationship is “healthy.” He says we fight too much; I think it’s a lack of communication. Now I say nothing because I’m afraid he won’t want to set a date at all. I don’t know what to do. Setting a date is important to me, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s even worth it. Please help. — DESTINATION UNKNOWN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR D.U.:

Tell your fiance you think he was absolutely RIGHT when he told you he didn’t want to set a wedding date until your relationship is “healthy.” (I agree, by the way.) Tell him you love him and how important you feel communication is in any relationship. Then suggest the two of you seek premarital counseling. Premarital counseling allows couples to preempt issues that could cause problems in a marriage, from child rearing to money to sex. If your fiance’s method of handling disagreements is to shut down, there may be a way to correct it during some of those sessions.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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