Dear Abby: Do my kids need to know my partner’s HIV status?

DEAR ABBY:

I am a grown man who came out late in life. I have three grown, married children and five grandchildren. They are my world, and we are all very close. I’ve had one partner. My family readily accepted and welcomed him because he made me happy. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. I have been seeing another person, and our connection is very strong. We have lots in common. I think I’m falling in love, and I envision a future with him. He is HIV-positive. I am on PrEP, or preexposure prophylaxis, the most effective medication to prevent contracting HIV. We have not been intimate, but I’m aware of all the literature about the extremely low risk of transmission.

My kids are bright, intelligent and “enlightened.” I wonder if I should tell them about my boyfriend being positive. A part of me says that’s his truth and he should tell them if he feels compelled. I will not reveal it without his approval. Another part of me says it’s not my children’s business because it applies only to intimate situations. But I’ve always been completely upfront with my kids about practically everything.

So now I’m torn about what to do — tell them (or he tells them) and risk getting a negative reaction, or I keep it a secret, no matter how uncomfortable that is for me. Please advise. — HOW HONEST IN THE EAST

DEAR HOW HONEST:

If there were a compelling reason for your adult children to know your friend’s HIV status, I would urge you to tell them. However, because none of them are likely to have sex with this person, I see no reason to share that information.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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