Dear Abby: His friend peeks in our windows

DEAR ABBY:

My boyfriend, “Pete,” and I have been together four years. During the pandemic, he moved to my hometown, and we live together. Last year, he befriended a man who lives across the street. This neighbor had been a civil-service employee but took early retirement and is undergoing treatment for PTSD.

Originally, I was happy for Pete’s new friendship in a new city, but the friendship has turned into a daily bromance. They spend two to six hours in Pete’s man cave, drinking, smoking and playing bar games. When I join in, the neighbor interrupts me and railroads the conversation. He insults me and is hypocritical about everything from my appearance to the meals I prepare.

I defend myself to this man, but Pete remains silent despite my pleas for support. (Pete says he “hates confrontation.”) An example: When Pete didn’t quickly answer his texts or calls, the neighbor would come to our house, peer through our windows, yell and bang on the door. It took Pete six months to tell him to stop doing that. He also eavesdrops on our private conversations, and I will open a door and find him just standing there.

Because of all this, I’m having intimacy issues. I never know when this guy will show up and what he will see or hear. I’m angry at Pete for not doing anything to resolve this. I’m no longer happy in my own home. I think this man feels threatened by me, like he wants Pete all to himself, and I don’t know what to do. Please help. — STRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR STRESSED:

Your neighbor doesn’t feel threatened by you. You feel threatened by him, and with good reason. He’s trying to commandeer your boyfriend, and it’s affecting your relationship. The man also appears to be unstable. Normal people do not act the way he does. His fixation on Pete is unhealthy. If your submissive partner cannot recognize that on his own, INSIST on some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist who can explain to him exactly what the two of you are dealing with.

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