DEAR ABBY:
My girlfriend is the loveliest, smartest, most compassionate and supportive person I know. We have been together for a year and a half. When we first met, we hung out a few times. When I told her my feelings toward her, she responded that she was in an open relationship, so I backed away.
Months later, we met up again. I helped her with a carpentry project, and she said she was done with the open relationship stuff and wanted a monogamous relationship. I agreed. We have a caring, supportive relationship that means the world to me.
Multiple ex-boyfriends call her and want to hang out, and she wants that, too. What bothers me is worrying the exes’ intentions may not be good, yet she feeds into it and tells me I need to trust her. I struggle with jealousy, anger and distrust when this happens, and I have shared those feelings with her, but she can’t let these folks move on. She says I’m stealing her freedom and controlling her by asking her to ignore them. This is the biggest problem in our relationship, but everything else is great. Are my emotions wrong? — INSECURE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR INSECURE:
Your emotions are not “wrong.” Your emotions are your emotions. Sometimes there is sacrifice involved when we form new relationships. Your girlfriend may have many fine qualities, but if she can’t understand that you feel these former lovers are a threat to your relationship, rather than attempt to “control her,” realize she isn’t the girl for you. Sorry!
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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