DEAR ABBY:
I am the father of an adult son, “Kirk,” who is in a relationship with a younger woman who has a young child. Neither is well educated, but they both have decent jobs. Kirk has a teenage daughter who is getting ready for college in another state. They are close, although I’m not sure to what degree he supports her financially. I have saved some money for her college, but he has not. Kirk never married her mom. My concern had been that my son and his girlfriend might be trying to have a baby. When he told me she is pregnant, I was beyond livid and let him know what a mistake this was. I told Kirk he owns nothing nor does she, and asked what that baby has to look forward to. His girlfriend receives no support from her child’s father. My son has now stopped talking to me. Is this my fault? I spoke what I believed was in the best interest of all parties involved, financially and morally. — SEES A MISTAKE IN FLORIDA
DEAR SEES:
Sometimes, before we speak, it is wise to ask ourselves, “Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?” While your comment was true, the girlfriend is already pregnant. Financially, Kirk will be on the hook until his second child becomes an adult, whether or not he marries the mother, so I’m thinking what you said was neither helpful nor kind. If you want a relationship with your son, it may be time to apologize.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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