Dear Abby: This new step-grandmother is feeling left out

DEAR ABBY:

My stepdaughter, “Zoe,” has recently had her first baby and we are very excited. She lives far away. My husband, “Karl,” is taking the trip, but I have to stay because my elderly mother is living with us. I asked family to stay with Mom, but they’re involved in their busy lives, and Mom clings to me. While I called to congratulate other relatives on becoming new aunts, etc., none of them reciprocated. Later, one of them reluctantly said they were told I was NOT the grandmother (even if Zoe’s biological mother had passed away), nor would I ever be.

This is bittersweet. I do not want to replace anyone. I’ve been hoping for a grandchild for a long time. I have been with Karl for more than 20 years. I’m crushed. No pictures are being sent to me, though when I was planning Zoe’s wedding from soup to nuts, we were in constant contact and I thought we were growing closer. I guess not.

How do I navigate this? My mother-in-law is barely speaking to me since I can’t join in the trip to see the baby and has become very snotty. Must I just admire from afar like a bystander, pretending to care? — CAST ASIDE IN NEW YORK

DEAR CAST ASIDE:

I wish you had mentioned which family member was telling the others you’re not to be considered that baby’s grandmother. Could it have been Zoe’s mother? If that’s the case, there appears to be more than a little jealousy on her part and a blatant attempt to isolate you.

You are the child’s STEP-grandmother, and photos should be shared with you. I hope Karl will impress this upon his daughter as well as let her know how hurt you have been by the treatment you have been receiving. What happened was unjustified. The more love in this world, the better, and labels should be used to include rather than isolate.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA…