Dear Annie:
I have been widowed for 1 1/2 years. I have well-meaning neighbors who want to include me in many social activities — dinners out, movies, parties and meals at their homes.
The problem is that I am an introvert and have never enjoyed parties, movies or most social activities. I also have huge food allergies, which cause migraines. I prefer to be alone, as my husband and I always lived our lives.
Being with people absolutely drains my energy. I am embarrassed by continually saying no, explaining that it is NOT personal to them. I just prefer my quiet lifestyle, occasional visits, but no meals or activities. How do I handle this? I appreciate their thoughtfulness but want no social activities. They are all extroverts and think I need help adjusting to being a widow. No — I am an introvert. Please help! — How to Say No
Dear No:
I am sorry for your loss. You sound like a very special woman who knows exactly what she needs to heal through her grief. Don’t worry about what people will think of you. It sounds like your neighbors just want to help you, and if you explain your situation to them the way you did in this letter, they will know that being left alone is exactly what you need. I applaud your boundaries and celebrate your insight about yourself.
It does show a bias that our world has toward extroverts, and your letter highlights just how special and insightful an introvert can be. I encourage you to read the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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