Dear Annie:
I am the mother of two wonderful sons, both married to equally wonderful women. While I am grateful for the love and partnership they have found, I can wholeheartedly relate to the sentiments shared in “One Grieving Grandmother to Another.”
Both of my daughters-in-law are incredibly close to their own mothers. It’s a beautiful bond they share, but as someone who raised her sons to be independent and self-sufficient, I often find myself in the background, feeling like the least important grandmother. It’s hard, and I won’t deny the pang of hurt that comes when I feel like I’m on the periphery of their lives. Still, I do my best to smile, show grace, and be grateful for any invitations or moments of connection that come my way.
It seems that in today’s world, with families often having fewer children, the role of “Grandma No. 2″ feels even more pronounced. My own grandmothers, on both sides, were surrounded by large families. My paternal grandmother had four children, and my maternal grandmother had five, which meant they each had over a dozen grandchildren. Back then, we all had to take turns with Grandma, and it sometimes felt like a competition just to get a bit of her time. That dynamic made everyone want to spend more time with her.
These days, though, things feel different. With smaller families and different cultural shifts, grandmothers who aren’t the primary figure — often the maternal grandmothers — are left feeling the sting of distance. There’s less competition for attention, and yet, in some ways, it feels like there’s less opportunity to share those precious moments.
It also saddens me to see how common it’s become for daughters-in-law to justify limiting or cutting off relationships with their mothers-in-law, often citing claims of toxicity. While I’m sure there are cases where this might be true, it’s hard to believe that the majority of mothers-in-law could be so harmful. So many of us are just trying to…
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