Dear Annie:
My husband and I were best friends with another couple, but the wife was difficult to be friends with. She criticized many people, some of whom were our mutual friends.
It was uncomfortable to be around her at times, but we had so many common interests that I overlooked a lot of the negatives. Apparently, she had kept a mental list of the things she disliked about me, and when we had our final falling out, she recited all of my transgressions against her.
I told her that we were no longer friends, that I would remain cordial in public but nothing else. Since then, she has acted like Iโm invisible. When I spoke to her just to say โhello,โ she would turn her back to me. Both she and her husband say โhelloโ to my husband but pretend Iโm not there. Itโs awkward.
For the last two years, Iโve not spoken to either of them. We are around them often, as we have mutual friends and interests. Is my only response ignoring them, too? I would like to shock them out of their arrogant attitude. They really think theyโve done nothing wrong. — Feeling Shut Out
Dear Feeling Shut Out:
She sounds like a toxic person and not a friend to anyone. Believe it or not, the saddest part about her is how much she must dislike herself that she has to badmouth others and make lists of peopleโs negative traits.
Your ex-friend would be a much happier person if she took note of the positive qualities of others. She is not likely to change, but you can make yourself a happier person by not sinking to her level. Make a list of good things about her. Only once, I promise. But after recognizing her positive qualities, see if there is a shift in the way she treats you. Whether or not she changes her attitude, my guess is that you will not bothered by her any longer.
โHow Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?โ is out now! Annie Laneโs second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and…
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