Dear Annie:
My husband, “Gary,” is unemployed. Has been for the 4 1/2 years we’ve been together.
Although I work 40 hours a week or more, at least he cleans up the house and does laundry. We broke up at the end of March but recently got back together. His aunt comes to watch the kids while I work and he leaves. I clean for a living and after eight hours do not want to come home and clean. I have to go straight into mom mode and get our daughter and son ready for bed, clean up the house and do dishes.
I feel that since I work five days a week (12 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.) and get home around 9:15 p.m., he should stay home with the kids. He’s not a very paternal person; some men just aren’t. But he doesn’t do anything with the kids. Also, he gets mad at me because I’m too tired (mainly for sex) and thinks I should give him money whenever he asks, which he’ll just blow on gambling. I love him, but it feels like a lot more work than it should be, and I’m not that happy. He also knows what to say that can make me feel bad for not wanting sex or wanting to go bed. Please, any advice? — Unappreciated
Dear Unappreciated:
First, I want to acknowledge how hard you are working. You sound like a wonderful mom who is providing for her family and being present when they get home. My advice is to tell your husband that the current situation is not working for you. He should either get a job and you can stay home with the children or he stays home with them and stops gambling. Blowing your hard-earned money on gambling sounds like he might have an addiction. Regardless, you need to stop letting him treat you with such disrespect, and the only way to do that is to stop giving him money. Seek the help of a professional marriage counselor.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit
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