Cultivating a chosen family

Many people rely on chosen families when facing rejection from families of origin. NPR’s Life Kit talks with Daniel Blevins, the founder of the group Stand In Pride, about cultivating a chosen family.

SCOTT DETROW, HOST:

For some people, the holidays can be a painful reminder of family conflict or estrangement. But for Daniel Blevins, they’re a reminder to spend more time with his chosen family, like his three chosen kids who he met online.

DANIEL BLEVINS: They just saw me as a father figure and an older gay man and somebody they had questions or they wanted to talk to.

DETROW: Blevins runs an online support group called Stand In Pride. It connects queer and trans people with stand-in parents for life events like weddings and graduations, and those relationships often last more than one day. Life Kit producer Margaret Cirino talked to Blevins about expanding a chosen family.

MARGARET CIRINO, BYLINE: For Blevins, chosen family is just family. He walked one of his chosen kids, his daughter Kesha, down the aisle at her wedding, and he says that cultivating this chosen family is crucial for many queer and trans people.

BLEVINS: I think it’s saving lives, too, to show these younger people that you can survive.

CIRINO: But finding and building those connections is not easy. If you want a richer family network in your life, Blevins has a few tips. The good news is that you probably already have some chosen family to begin with.

BLEVINS: Take stock of the people who are around you, people who make you feel safe.

CIRINO: Ask yourself these key questions.

BLEVINS: Who checks on you? Who’s concerned about your well-being? Who’s making sure that you’re OK? Just having that connection with someone who instinctively knows when you’re not OK, I think that’s a good indicator that you’re more than just friends.

CIRINO: Maybe you have a really close friend that you want to think of as family, but you’re unsure if they can be that for you…