DEAR ABBY: I was never close to my late husband’s family. He had two half-siblings from his mother and seven from his father. (He was the only mutual child between them.) At his funeral, his sister on his mother’s side wore what appeared to be a white wedding dress and had her three daughters dressed like flower girls. She had threatened me often with violence and stalked me at my job. I got a protective order, but it took three filings to get it because her father has friends in the court system. The order is for one year, but we’ll see what happens when it expires.
Everyone in his family has demanded a portion of his ashes. I refuse to divide them because he wanted to be buried with me, and I want to abide by his wishes. The other side of his family contacts me only if it benefits them.
For almost a year, I took care of my father-in-law, who has dementia, without any of the seven remaining children helping. I have since cut ties with all of them. They are toxic, and I know why my husband kept me away from them.
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Should I feel guilty for not sharing his remains, or feel good for carrying out his last wishes? The family says we should be working “together,” but I never even met some of them until he had passed away. They think we should be family since he was their brother. I disagree. — MOVING FORWARD IN INDIANA
DEAR MOVING FORWARD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. The time for you all to have “been family” was long before his death. His sister appears to have mental problems, so resenting her for her and her daughters’ attire at the funeral is a waste of your energy.
As the widow, your husband’s remains belong solely to you, and you are legally entitled to carry out his wishes. However, if his relatives are as toxic as you describe, you may need the help of an attorney to enforce them.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne…
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