Dear Annie: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 22 years. It’s been up and down, and I’ve learned to keep quiet about things that upset me. He’s never reacted well to me mentioning things or asking for help with chores. If I do have to say something because I am out of patience, I’m always carefully crafting the way I say it and trying to be as polite as possible to avoid conflict.
Sometimes I feel like a “mommy girlfriend,” and he doesn’t understand why this bothers me. Oftentimes his know-it-all attitude ruins things, and I cannot get through to him. He snaps at everything; for example, the other day he snapped at me at Wawa because my hands were full and he was trying to hand me coffee. I had to put something down to take it, and it made him mad to wait. Little things like that are adding up, and I’m losing my mind.
I’m unfortunately stuck financially and cannot just walk away for my own sanity. I feel like he’s wasted my good years, and I cannot be my true self when he’s around.
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Lately, he’s been obsessing over some TikTok-ers who post satire videos of what it’s like to have ADHD. He’s now convinced that he has ADHD and that’s his excuse for his terrible behavior. After 22 years, some social media posts have him convinced.
I told him you cannot believe everything you hear and see from influencers because people are paying them to make funny and entertaining videos. Then he flips it back on me and says that I am heartless for not acknowledging he is neurodivergent. He has also started making a public show about being neurodivergent whenever he makes a mistake at work or even at the grocery store. It’s getting really embarrassing.
I tell him if he thinks this is his issue, he should talk to a professional. But again, I am heartless and I don’t understand. He has other health issues, too, and I have done my best to care for him, but he’s never grateful and never sees a…
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