DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just began a full-time grad program that is small, demanding — and excellent. I am 73 and my cohorts are in their 30s, and I haven’t noticed any particular gap in our views nor any alienation from the others. I am just absorbed in the reading, writing and discussions, like we all are.
My concern centers on others’ reactions when they hear about what I’m doing, like: “Isn’t that wonderful! Good to keep busy! Keep your mind active! So important when you’re aging!”
Nobody would ever say that to the other students. I’m taking this as seriously as they are. It’s not a little hobby; it’s a program that will contribute a lot to my long-term projects and goals. But because I’m two generations older than the other grad students, people (including my contemporaries) think it’s cute or sprightly of me.
When they tell me how wonderful it is that I am doing this, I know they’re trying to be nice. But I find these remarks condescending and insulting — pure ageism.
My only response so far has been a weak smile and a change of topic. Do you have any other ideas?
GENTLE READER: Ah, yes — the return, later in life, of that well-meant toddler-talk: “Good job! You are walking all by yourself! I’m so proud of you!”
Miss Manners has never heard of a toddler’s replying, “Yes, and I will soon be able to outrun you.” You should probably observe equal restraint.
But she will permit you to inquire pleasantly, “And what are you doing to keep yourself busy and active?”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2023 JUDITH MARTIN
DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
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